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Presumed Ill Intent
They Don't Trust You? Your good
intent
is ungraciously 'demonized' and you hold
hurt. You retreat in self protection but now
you are
accused of not caring!
You Don't Trust THEM? Why should you? They don't keep their word. He is a liar. She is all about herself. They cover up. You earn trust don't you? Trust is built on a foundation of satisfied experiences. Disappointment, disillusionment, misunderstandings, feeling victimized are doses of toxic injections into trusting relationships. How can you avoid these types of experiences and revive the trust from others and for others?
CPR Idea #1: Be Curious NOT
Certain Seems at a Comm Center we are
experts at communications during
EMERGENCIES! When it comes to 1)
speaking to your needs 2) finding out the
truth of the matter 3) telling someone how
you feel 4) clarifying a mis-perception of
you - well that's a different story and
not with a happy ending. If indeed you could
put aside your assumptions of others EVIL
INTENT and be curious, ask clarifying
questions, stop assuming what
happened, why it happened, if so and so
really said this or that - there would be
much less chaos and drama at work.
Change your mind! Be an observer, not a
victim, not a follower, not a toxic
participant. Ask questions, move back from
the drama-trauma cycle. You cannot
change another person, you can only change
you. It's a little switch in the brain -
flip it and immediately gain peace around other
people's stuff'. |
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Ask But Not Receive
It's a noble and lofty intention to include
everyone
in a decision. Isn't that what you are
supposed to
do? Indeed, IF you intended also to use
suggestions. One of the most deadly
whacks
to trust
is to expect something, only to have it go
'poof'
and even worse, not to know why. For example; a
focus group intended to research what chair to
purchase. A not recommended chair
appears and no explanations. The more things
that
go 'poof' the weaker trust levels become. No
one wants to participate, you blame them,
they blame you.
CPR Idea #2: Toxic injections take
time to flush. First, if you ASK for input,
be certain you will PUBLISH the results and
HONOR those who participated. If you don't
trust the source to give good feedback in the
first place don't ask. Second, if you study
a problem or conduct a survey, again, publish
the results and share the '....and because of
that.." findings. Don't be disappointed if your good
intentions and positive actions on their behalf don't
bring about trust immediately or magically.
Remember
that trust is
built on a foundation of satisfied
experiences (plural). Things will improve with time
and patience. |
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The Harsh Truth
Bill Lincoln is a dear friend of mine. He
forgets
to comb his hair in the back, always wears
his reading glasses
low on his nose and the buttons on his
shirt are often stretched tight. He is an
international mediator; prison riots,
Afghanistan, Sudan, Russia, nuclear plants -
the list goes on. He offered this
description of a promise at the University of
WA Law School. 'Promises' are absolute as
certainty itself. There are no such things as
bad or broken promises - only mere
intentions, lies, and utterances
made callously, carelessly or prematurely
without complete consideration
regarding the availability of all necessary
resources, priorities,
capabilities, and the cost of
commitments. Yikes! Makes me pause before I
promise.
You are busy. This is a brief
provocation for discussion. If you want
to explore this topic in depth request my 4
page article "The
Death of Trust, 5 Death Blows, 5
Resuscitation Techniques" in a pdf file.
Please include full agency information in
your email. You can copy and distribute for
discussion
at your next meeting or training. And let
me know if you find this information useful or forward
to others. Also see the money saving coupons below.
Know that you are appreciated 24/7! |
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